It’s crazy when I think about my last post.
In the beginning of March, I was in the process of actively slowing down and now, here we are in he midst of a global pandemic.
I have been so grateful for the things I have learned in recovery.
I feel like I was totally prepared for this in many ways.
Being present. Accepting life on life’s terms.
But that isn’t what I want to talk about.
I have been documenting my recovery journey for the last few years.
On April 8th, I celebrated five years of sobriety.
Back in September, I petitioned the Nursing Board for reinstatement of my RN license.
I had to surrender it a few years ago when I was unable to complete the Diversion (Intervention) Program because the hospital had pressed charges on me.
(You can read the full story here )
Those charges, and their subsequent punishment (house arrest and three years of felony probation), took precedence, and I wasn’t able to complete the requirements of the Nursing Board at that time.
There was a time that I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be a nurse again.
I felt immense shame.
I wasn’t sure that nursing fit into my life anymore.
It took some deep soul searching and true acceptance of myself to arrive at the decision to petition for reinstatement.
I can definitely say that being a Nurse was no longer part of my identity.
I had held onto that false sense of who I was for so long, and it really felt great to let it go.
So I navigated through this new life of not being a nurse and really just allowed things to unfold.
I found my creative side that had long been buried under excuses about motherhood and busyness.
I wrote about my journey in a journal, and then here on my blog.
I learned to sit with my feelings regardless of what they were.
I had grace for myself in the process.
But last year, I felt very deeply that I would practice as a nurse again.
I have always been a compassionate person, but the healing that has taken place in my life as a direct result of addiction has allowed me a level of empathy that I was unable to reach before.
So I filed the petition.
And I waited…
And waited…
My hearing was on January 30, 2020.
I had to present my case to the Attorney General and a Judge.
Surprisingly, I was not nervous.
This was really just an opportunity to speak about the things that have transpired in my life over the last five years.
From what I understand, most nurses hire attorneys for this.
I did not feel that I needed to have an attorney present.
I was willing to accept any stipulations.
I was also fine with accepting a denial.
The Judge and Deputy Attorney General ruled in favor of license reinstatement.
The Board of Nursing had to agree to the recommendation, which took more time…
The theme of this story: hurry up and wait!
So I went about my life and waited.
I finally heard from the BRN on April 28, 2020.
My license would be reinstated with three years of probation and all 19 stipulations.
YES!!! I was so excited.
Excited for probation??
Heck yes!
Compared to everything I have been through, this was not so bad.
I begin my probation period on May 15, 2020, and I will document my journey here as it unfolds.
I want to make something clear up front;
I do not hold resentment against the Board of Nursing and you will not find me bashing them.
It is their job to protect the public.
Do I think this could be done with more compassion and less shame?
Yes.
Do I think they look at each case individually?
No.
I believe they have a blanket discipline policy and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.
I am gratefully in acceptance of my probation.
I will walk through this process just like I have walked through everything else; one day at a time.
My license will have an accusation flag on it for ten years following completion of probation.
That is thirteen more years.
The bad choices that I made over a few months in active addiction will have taken me 18 years to amend.
18 years.
Those are the true consequences of addiction.
I do hope to continue to be an example of recovery and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be an example of a licensed professional in recovery.
Am I worried that I will always be judged by my past?
Absolutely.
Do I let that get in the way of speaking my truth?
Hell to the no!
My experience of being an addict does not define me, but it is part of my story.
It was the catalyst that allowed me to become who I was meant to be.
For that, I am endlessly grateful.
I invite you to follow along my journey.
I welcome the company on this road.
If you are at the beginning of your own journey, I want you to know that you can do this!
One little step at a time.
Love you.